Cats haven’t forgotten that they were once revered as gods. They’ve totally trained me to treat them as hallowed hollow fur balls with insatiable demands for treatsy treats. I shower them with constant attention and admiration but still in return, they look down upon me and my earthly needs: semi-unrequited love and its life lessons. Pet and stroke away. To err is human, to purr is feline.
When cats are around, they manage to get in the way of everything. Typing on the computer, running hastily downstairs, closing windows, in the middle of toilet duties, plastic plant watering, book pretend-reading and axe murdering. They’re ALWAYS in the way. No apologies for the inconvenienced. ‘How do you like meow?’ You’ve cat to be kitten me right meow.” Have you even listened to their grammar?
I don’t compromise with them though. They’re stubborn and they beat me with 9 lives worth of experience. One look at those soul-destroying eyes and you’ll somehow feel chilly within two wags of their snaky tails. If they’re not plotting to kill you, they’re just thinking of ways to get even.
If you try and pet them without their consent, you’d have nagging scratches and stab wounds on the spot. Killer switchblades! Surprise! If they were any faster or bigger, I’m sure owning one (or the opposite) would be probably made illegal. They have that exact poker face look whether you’re giving them food or if they see you stark nude. I don’t think they’ll ever be impressed. (Regardless of strapping body parts or countless cattoos) You shelter, feed and protect them but still, they go away. Pretty racket I guess. (Out for mating, drug runs, pageants, or other pending plots, we’ll never know) They are so unaffected by threats that their ninja/assassin ranks couldn’t go any higher. Call them for attention and they’d rather take a message and do naps instead. Why should they follow orders? Their secret lives are already sufficient interruptions between coughing hairballs and licking. I’m sure they have wonderful flavors.
Masterful acting coated in vanilla.
They’re needy, self-ruling, wild and domestic, all at the same time. They’re insanity personified, but a masterpiece, nevertheless. It’s just a matter of hours before they possess you entirely.
Cats in heat deserve an epic novel altogether.
Love without penalties. Safe secrets. Purrfect.
Pause. Sit down. Stay put. Choose your vantage point.
Inertia is an art form.
-C